Hallelujah brethren!
Welcome to the Temple of the Perpetual Pedal.
Draw near and hear the word.
Yes my brothers and sisters, the path I’ll ask you to tread is narrow. It will be long.
It will be steep with many tempting shortcuts. You will suffer and you will sweat.
These things I cannot deny!
But have faith ye of small aerobic capacity.
Press on my tiny calved friends, for you shall harvest the fruits of your labors.
Be diligent in your crusade to the summit. Do not be fooled by false peaks.
Ignore the demons pounding in your ears, screaming in your brain…
“Turn around it’s too far…Go back it’s too hot!”
Shout out, get behind me Satan of sloth!
Yea though I crank through the valley of shade-less death, I will fear no bonk
for I have hydrated and I have eaten.
Then we shall dig down deep within our souls and chant, “I think I can, I think I can”.
 
And when we ascend to the top of our mountain we’ll take a moment of silence
catch our breath and give thanks to our fine machines.
As we gaze at the city below we know in our hearts that we have risen above the slothful and the degenerate. We endure the wicked conditions and then stand before the entrance to the glorious singletrack nirvana. Go now, bomb forth! Enjoy my devoted flock enjoy!
Let your spirits be filled with the sound of slapping chain and bouncing rubber.
May you clean every switchback and unclippeth not.
May air come between your wheels and the ground and may the descent be hairy scary and safe.

I realize that some of you will not be back 
you will find comfort on the couch and solace in the remote.
When asked of your faith you will look to the ground attempting to hide your shame.
You will stutter as you try to explain…I…I…I used to ride. But the obvious guilt of non-riding will reflect on your face like a freshly chromed fender in the sunlight.
Don’t try to make excuses, no explanation needed.
For the rest of us will be here next Sunday and the Sunday after that. And if you show up here and find no one, you can be sure we’re out there somewhere. And we’ll be prayin’ for ya !

Amen,
The Rev